Hope, Anger, and Truth
by Daggerpoint
Summary: "Don't Look Back." Chihiro looks back on her life and how these words have shaped it, her future, and her outlook.


Disclaimer: I do not and have not owned Spirited Away or any of the characters associated with the film. This is purely the ramblings of a bored mind.  
  
Synopsis: What if Haku didn't mean for Chihiro not to look back literally? What if he meant it metaphorically?  
  
A.N.: Okay I've only seen Spirited Away twice (so far), but this would leave me alone. Anyway please read and review. Flames will be used to heat my own personal bath! Thanks!  
  
Hope, Anger, and Truth  
By Daggerpoint  
  
It happened years ago. I was a child of ten, sullen, bratty, and whinny. Everything changed the day my family went to move into our new house. Dad took a wrong turn, got us lost, and found what he declared to be an abandoned theme park, built in the early 1990s. In reality the place we found was so much more. I let my parents keep their illusion though. I mean how do you tell your parents that the spent four days in the Spirit World as pigs? Barely getting rescued? And that you have grown up? Simply you don't.  
  
The Spirit World though holds a part of me though. When I left that day I left a part of my soul with my friends. A part of me has remained with Lin, No Face, the Baby, Granny, and even Yubabbah, but most of me, most of my heart remains with him, Haku, Kohaku River. I haven't seen him since he told me we would meet again, and that I could not look back. It has taken me many years to understand what he meant. I used to watch for him, waiting. As I grew into my teen years I lost hope. Hope that was replaced by anger. Anger at him for not being there, for not keeping his promise; anger at other boys my age for not being him.  
  
I declined to date, even as it worried my parents, even as much as my sudden jump to maturity had. All through out high school and most over college I could not bear to be near other boys who were not Haku. It was not until the spring semester of my junior year in college that I finally understood and my anger faded. It was during an English Lit course, we were discussing a book, a tale so like my own. My anger had been renewed, my loneliness intensified. I listened intently to each response that was given, each idea of the meaning, waiting for my turn to speak, the chance to finally reveal the anguish hidden within my soul. Then the girl before me spoke. She explained how she felt that the two worlds of the story could not coexist, but how the two heroes would meet again in one or the other. On how love has no limit, not even those of a dimension, and that when the time was right the two would meet again in the world best suited to them, but it would not happen immediately, that each had their own life to live. I passed that day. I could not respond, could not comment on the meaning.  
  
I took her words to heart that day though. I look back on my life and I regret not a thing I have done since that day. I met and learned to love a wonderful man. I had many years of happiness with him, our children, and eventually my grandchildren. My adventure has become a tale to them, a source of childish amusement. I simply smile as they loved the characters and used the message to live their own lives.  
  
Now as I lie here, as my life draws to a close I know that my journey is at an end. I know I have done Haku proud. I stopped looking back a long time ago. I look forward now. My husband departed from this world years before and now it is my turn. I close my eyes for the last time, whisper a final "I love you all", and open my eyes to find myself traveling on the steamship crossing the ocean. I am a child in body again; the wind blows through my hair, barely restrained by the hair band created by my friends all those years ago. The shore comes into view. It is crowded with the bath house workers, with my friends. As the ship docks I step off into waiting embraces. He is not among them. I never expected him to be. I untangle my self from my friends, laughing, promising to talk soon. Now though is some one else I need to see. I weave through the flowers in the garden; I come to a place just around the corner from the pens. No one is there. I sit, crouching in the position I had huddled so long ago.  
  
"I see you found the true meaning of my words." He's voice interrupts my racing thoughts.  
  
I stand looking into his amazing green eyes. I smile slightly. He hasn't changed much. "It took years, and the mind of an adult."  
  
He smirks slightly. "It's a secret of a good life."  
  
"I know." I pause contemplating my choices, then through my self into his waiting arms. "Thank you. Thank you for keeping your promise, Haku," I whisper.  
  
"And thank you for keeping yours, Sen," her replies just as quietly.  
  
My life was not perfect, but I regret none of it. I have found my place again, found my heart, I think as I find myself high above the ground, upon his back. I have found Sen within Chihiro. Now I have eternity with my Dragon, my Haku, and I shall never look back. 


End file.
